E-mail exchanges between Lance, the King of Black Metal from Gary, Indiana (aka Dave Hill) and Mathias, a Norwegian black metal guy. Fri., Nov. 19, 2004 5:43 PM hey mysticum guys, i got your e-mail off the internet. i was surprised someone in a black metal band would use e-mail but whatever i guess we can't expect you guys to live in caves all the time (if you were serious about black metal you would though). anyway, the reason i am writing is because i was wondering if there were two bands called mysticum or something. the reason i ask is because my friend todd told me about a band called mysticum that were really heavy and extreme and that i should totally check them out. so i went out and bought your record and all i got was this total pussy metal instead. is there another band called mysticum that i should know about? i'm really into super heavy and extreme black metal, so if there is another mysticum that plays this kind of music i would really like to know. don't get me wrong, i'm sure tons of chicks dig what you guys are doing, but i'm into some serious shit, not this strummy bullshit you guys seem to be into. anyway, let me know if you have heard of these guys. are you guys on mtv? dark regards, ---------------------------------------------------------- Hi! First of all, i find your email a bit barefaced and strange. But i have decided to answer you anyway. You have now come to the label address to the extreme mysticum band. We have never heard about the pussy ones you mention about. Label name is PLANET SATAN REVOLUTION. Check out www.mysticum.com. Under releases link you can download the debut album from 1996 for free. There you can hear that this is industrial and extreme black metal. When you first enter the site you can see a picture of the newest release: Lost Masters Of The Universe. Its an album that collects all the rare and unreleased demo material, 7´s, promos and so on. Everything except for the debut album is here. If you are interested in ordering this masterpiece of black grimness, let me know. I am soon sold out, so be quick. This band is a cult act, originally signed to Euronymous (RIP) of MAYHEMs own label DEATHLIKE SILENCE PRODUCTIONS (DSP). And since you are claiming to be a "real black metaller" you SHOULD know that famous history of what happened with him. If your into real black metal you should also know that email addresses has nothing to do with being "true" or not. You have one your self!! MYSTICUM has been in the undeground for 12 years so we know what we are talking about here. There is nothing wrong in using emails to spread the disease. Living in a cave has nothing to do with Black Metal at all. As long as you are dealing with satanic and occult things, belive in what you are doing, you can do what ever you want. Of course MYSTICUM has never been on MTV, and will never be. Such music are not loved by the MTV crew. And to extreme to be on a channel that only sends crappy/happy sell out shit. Dark Regards For PLANET SATAN REVOLUTION Saiihtam Man. Dir. ---------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, okay, let me break it down for you. first of all, i don't think anyone who is truly into black metal would start an e-mail by saying "hi!" you are not working at a smoothie shop buddy, you are representing black metal. pull yourself together! i should know- i'm the king of black metal in my hometown of gary, indiana. you should hear my band witch taint. we do mostly originals. i could send you our demo. anyway, i guess i should check out the mysticum you speak of because the one i checked out wasn't extreme at all. it seemed like they were trying really hard to get on the radio, just like euronymous did before he met his untimely death. i don't mean to badmouth a dead guy, don't get me wrong, i can't expect everyone to be a totall badass all the time like me. i was just born this way i guess- born the king of black metal and a ton of other shit too. do you guys have stickers? you should put them up around town and maybe put something under the band's name that says "definitely not a bunch of pussies" so no one gets your mysticum confused with the guys that i had the misfortune of hearing. come to think of it, i'm gonna kick my friend todd's ass for turning me on to the wrong mysticum. are you signing any new bands to your label? my band witch taint is so good you guys will probably get rid of all the other bands on your label just so you can work full-time on a real extreme black metal band. okay, let me know. i gotta go, my mom needs the computer. blackest of the black, ---------------------------------------------------------- I think you sounds stupid man. Hi instead of dear. What is the worst beginning an email with here? And you are still living with your ma? Hah. Get a life!! You are not a king!! Well but if you want me to consider your band, you are welcome to send it to me. But if you are continuing beeing barefaced, you can fuck off...... The ones who really are the week, is the ones who allways have to tell everybody how cool they are, like you are doing. Think about that. ---------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, you misunderstand me. when i started my e-mail with "dear", i meant it more in king diamond sort of way, as in "dear abigail." i didn't mean it like i wanted to come over there and date you or anything. don't get me wrong, if i come to norway, i'd be into hanging but i don't want anything more than that. besides, given my duties as the king of black metal, i don't really have time for dating anybody, even if they are some chick with big tits and the entire mayhem discography on original vinyl or some shit. as far as living with my mother goes, that is simply not the case. i live in the basement in the same house but it is totally my own place and i can do whatever i want. i just use her computer sometimes to school people on black metal and other stuff. last saturday i had a party and she couldn't say shit even if i was playing burzum on full volume or something. i went up to the kitchen to get some orange juice and she asked me to turn it down and i said no. let's see you try that shit. but let's get to the heart of the matter. first of all, i think you and i disagree on what it is to be black metal. you seem to be into promoting black metal and supporting the black metal scene. this completely goes against what it is to be black metal if you ask me. black metal is for the few, the brave, the blackest of the black. when you promote it to anyone in any way you are selling out. some of the most extreme black metal i have ever heard is from my own bands- like witch taint, unholy chalice, mystikum (mine is spelled with a k, it is different), and summer's eve. these are all bands where i recorded and played everything on the record myself and when i was finished, played the record for myself and myself alone because i was the only one who was black enough to handle it! this is real black metal! you are too concerned with being popular and getting on the radio and stuff. i do not understand. i don't normally share my music with people because it would destroy them, but in the interest of showing you what real black metal is i will send you a copy of the most recent witch taint album, which is called "infernicus dictus dei rectum." please send me your address and let me know if you want some stickers too. together we could show the world what real black metal is all about. also, i will need roadies. do you think the guys in mysticum would be willing to help out? darkest regards, ---------------------------------------------------------- Well, first of all. We do not earn any money on the MYSTICUM release. We are NOT on the radio. And MYSTICUM are no sell out band. You SHOULD know that. They have GREAT cult status within the scene. And in 12 years, only one album was made, together with 7's, demos and so on. Not many bands on this planet are bootlegged after only one release!! This label are VERY small, and have no opportunitys in heavy promotion. But the fact is, that when you are releasing something. You have to cover what has been taken from your own savings. That is all. I put out a release in 1000 ex. Band normally get 10% as payment. That means 100 ex. I cover what i have used from my savings, and everybody is "happy". Thats all. But to reach that, i have to promote a little bit, not much. But labels and people have to get some information so that they know that an album are out, and how to obtain it. There is no point for me, paying like 3000 USD from my own pocket to release 1000 ex, if you see what i mean. Well, address is: (removed) (removed) (removed) Norway Let me know if you are interested in the MYSTICUM Lost Masters of the Universe CD. If yes, send 25 USD together with your package. Another thing. Why do you want me to release your stuff, if you are against it??? Against beeing promoted on a label?? You will newer get your stuff spread without any kind of promotion. Saiihtam/PSR ---------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, i see your point. if you are going to put something into something (in this case a record by a bunch of pussies called mysticum), then you should get something out of it too (some money and also a reputation for working with pussies like the guys in mysticum). i don't like this idea of everyone (or anyone for that matter) being "happy" as you mentioned though. that is exactly what i am saying- black metal has nothing to do with being happy. it should make you want to live in darkness, perhaps with a babbling brook nearby that would mock you in the night. but i fear i am being too harsh. I realize you may not think that mysticum are a bunch of pussies but that is probably because you have yet to hear my band witch taint. i am generally against promoting my music because i think it goes against everything that black metal is about. in a perfect world, black metal would exist totally in the mind (as it does with me much of the time). we would hear the black sounds pouring through our brain as we sit in darkness (or maybe there could be a torch nearby). this is true black metal. a compromise might be just having bands play in the woods and there could be a bonfire and a select few would be permitted to hide behind trees and listen to the bands perform. i realize however that this is impractical and it would be awkward if everybody ran into each other later at the grocery store or something. it is hard to be truly black when shopping for groceries, which is why i rarely eat unless i absolutely have to. i would however permit you to release an album from my band witch taint if you think you could handle it. i must warn you- it is truly black, some people say unlistenable. it is so black in fact that when i played it for a "friend" recently he said "if you don't take this music off i am going to kill myself!" this is how black it is. i would also like to make t-shirts, preferably long sleeve. please let me know what you think of this. i think you are ready. i am going to send you my band's demos. i recommend not having any sharp objects or firearms around while listening because it is so black you may harm yourself. also, please play my music for the members of mysticum. i would like them to work for me and i think they should become familiar with the material. i would like to call my album "in dominus perineum satanus." blacker than black, ---------------------------------------------------------- Hell-o! Okay, send demo over. My scalpel is prepared. By the way: I don´need a reputation. The reason why i´m doing this is because i am a really dedicated person. So if i find something i really like. I will release it, and dedicate me to promote it the way the band wants to!! In todays scene, there is barely no good bands anymore. I don´t buy any new music anymore, because it is crap with "new age" attitude and sound. I like music to be obscure. And to be that, you have to be original. I really hope your stuff is as good as you say. I prefere you not to talk shit about the MYSTICUM band i work with. You don´t know them, and they are really great people. If i am going to release something with you, you have to show some respect for the older guys here. Beeing barefaced are not gonna benefit you, only your soul, but not your oppurtunities. I dont say happy, i say "happy". And with that word, i mean that i am satisfied with having my money back and a fucking great album out. The band are also satisfied with that. If you want me to release somthing with your band, i guess you will become satisfied your self, seeing your album out! If it happens? I do not know now. I still have to hear it first. You have really something to proove for me!! You say:i am generally against promoting my music because i think it goes against everything that black metal is about. in a perfect world, black metal would exist totally in the mind (as it does with me much of the time). we would hear the black sounds pouring through our brain as we sit in darkness (or maybe there could be a torch nearby). this is true black metal. I say: What is then the point in making music, when you have this attitude?? I mean, if you keep it for your self, there is no point in making music. Be seeing you............. ---------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, okay, brace yourself for my band witch taint's demos. you say you like obscure stuff- well, this is the most obscure, extreme, and black metal that has ever been created in my opinion. it is so extreme that some days even i can't bear to listen to it. even the recording process was difficult. several times i had to leave the room and sit in a ditch in my back yard to gather my thoughts. i honestly don't recommend listening to it alone as it may be too much for you. can you feel it? i am very excited (in a black metal kind of way. no, i am not smiling. and i shall not.) for you to put our album out. i think you are right- there is no point in making music if only i am to hear it. i want people to hear this music. it shall decimate the weak and make people set their pets loose into the wild. and there is nothing "new age" about it. in fact, i have written a song called "i shall rape the new age." the lyrics are about how i plan to rape the new age. we would also like (we will not "like" it, but you know what i mean) to come to norway as soon as possible. we wish to pummel norway into submission. i would also like to visit varg vikernes in prison and tell him what a new age pussy he is. are you with me? as for mysticum, from now on i will show them respect. i look forward to having them work with me. in fact, maybe the thing that makes the most sense is to have them join me for the witch taint shows. that way i don't have to bring the rest of the band (my cousin bill and his friend mark) over to norway with me to tour. the guys from mysticum could learn the songs and play them with me. can you please ask them about this? i don't mind playing with older guys either as long as they will wear the white makeup. can you send me your address again? also, what size t-shirt do you wear? i would like to send you a witch taint t-shirt so you can start promoting us over there. blacker than the blackest of black x50, ---------------------------------------------------------- Address is: (removed) (removed) (removed) Norway Beware: I have not signed you yet. First i have to hear your stuff. Then we can talk. By the way: What bands do you consider real? Or what do you prefere to listening to?? Saiihtam / PSR ---------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, brace yourself for witch taint. it is extreme beyond the most extreme of extremes. i was also wondering whether i might e-mai you mp3's of witch taint so you might be able to hear it immediately and we get started on planning the first official release of the mighty witch taint. let me know if i can e-mail you mp3's or if you are afraid they might cause your computer to melt (a possibility- you have been warned.). also, who is mathias that you mention on your address? is that the person that handles your mail? please let me know as i think he should be warned of the majesty of witch taint as well. as far as bands that i think are real: i "like" (i hate this word) the first release from mayhem and the first release from emperor. most other bands i think are total pussies and should be destroyed. there are some north american bands i like- very much cult acts, like thrustercunt, malignant blasphemy, and the festering. of course my favorite (i hate this word too) band is witch taint. i am also a big fan of my side bands unholy chalice and summer's eve. they will make you jump off a building they are so extreme. let me know if i can e-mail you mp3's of witch taint. i want you to hear it as soon as possible and once you have received it we can go about planning our release. what size t-shirt do you wear? do you have any allergies to taxidermy? blacker than the blackest of the black, ---------------------------------------------------------- Sun. Nov. 28, 2004 1:34 PM dear saiihtam, one more thing- i have attached the official witch taint logo for your perusal. we are thinking of making stickers. anyway, you may download this file and save is your desktop wallpaper if you so desire. dark regards, ---------------------------------------------------------- Saiihtam / PSR 1. Yes, you can send mp3's ---------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, i hope you are ready to get pummeled because attached to this very e-mail is the first song from the witch taint demos. it is a song called "necro-dreamraper" and it is 3 minutes and 30 seconds of pure evil. please make sure there are no sharp objects around when you listen to it because i want you to put our album out before you go killing yourself. are you planning on releasing any albums by other bands at the moment? what bands do you like (besides mysticum, which we disagree on, but whatever). do you listen to anything else besides black metal? i hope not. i certainly don't. let me know what you think of this first song assuming you are still able to type after hearing it. i will send more songs. what release date do you have in mind for our album? will it be a worldwide release or just in norway? i have an idea for a video. there is a closeup of a human eyeball on the screen and then a closeup of a goat. then the screen goes black and the music starts. then the viewer is left to wonder what happened. they cannot handle it. the blackest of the black, > ATTACHMENT part 2 application/octet-stream name=necrodreamraper.mp3 ---------------------------------------------------------- Well! I think your music was some kind of strange. I like when you have many different riffs in the same track. Here i could only find one riff, and alot of effects built arround it. dear saiitham, i am sorry you were disappointed in the first track i sent you but fear not- the true pummeling has yet to begin. the song i sent you was almost like a test- the way a great fighter steps into the ring and jabs his opponent in the chin first before he hits him with the knockout punch. or it is like when wild animal does something before it kills something. i will send you more tracks, the most severe (severest?) tracks you have ever heard in your life. also, I have been listening to more mysticum lately (i found some on the internet) and i want to say that i want to fight them for trying to be as evil as me. i am thankful for your comments on the first witch taint song though. it will only fuel me to create music that is even more extreme. i was talking to my friend fenriz (not the same fenriz as the one from darkthrone. it's a different one) about this and he said "lance, you must become more extreme." then he had to go because his mom needed the phone or something, but it got me pretty worked up to create even more extreme, black metal. i am excited to send you more tracks for your consideration. are you working with any other bands right now? what are the guys in mysticum up to? as for my age- i am nineteen and have really long hair that i have died black (like the metal i play). by the way, do you know the real fenriz from darkthrone. i would like to hang with him. even blacker than i was before, ---------------------------------------------------------- Hell-o! ---------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, i like your new greeting "hello-o!" it is black because it has the word hell in it. i am going to start using it if that is okay with you. i will tell people that is was made up by my fellow black metal master in norway, saiihtam, who is extremely black and will be putting out the new witch taint album as soon as he hears our latest, most brutal tracks. speaking of which, i am doing a re-mix of some new tracks by torchlight. i find the torches help me get in touch with blackness even moreso. have you ever tried such a thing? you will never use track lighting again. also, we have had a recent lineup change in the band. our bass player, known to me as cuntlord, was spotted at a christmas party this weekend introducing himself to people as terry. what kind of bullshit is this? i shall not take over the world with my blackest of black metal with a guy who calls himself terry outside of band practice. he can sit and drink beer and tell jokes with that pussy fenriz for all i care. thanks for the heads up on that by the way. i had hoped to hang with fenriz when i come to norway to tour but now that i know that he is not black in the least he can forget about it and you can tell him i said so. do you know varg vikernes (speaking of pussies)? i would like to challenge him to a black metal duel. tell those guys in mysticum to get it together. are they at least practicing? i should hope so. whether they put out another album on their own or simply tour scandinavia with me as my backing band, they had better get their shit together. they must scowl at all times if they are to play with me, even when they are tuning or loading my equipment. what is the black metal scene in norway like at the moment? i am the only person in my town that walks around in corpse paint most days (even when i work at blockbuster). how often do you wear corpse paint? i will check out the bands you mention. i will let you know if i think they are pussies or not. blackest of the black, ---------------------------------------------------------- are the new mp3s finished??? --------------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, alas, it has been a while since we've spoken. i write to you from a state of blackness that is blacker than anything even i have ever experienced before. and that means a lot coming from me, the king of black metal and about 50 other fucking things. anyway, i wanted to give you an update on the latest happenings with witch taint and our upcoming release on your label. i'm sorry for not sending you any new mp3's. since our last correspondence, i fired everyone in the band and got in a huge fight with my mom so she wouldn't let me hold auditions in the basement for like a month until i did some bullshit around the house for her. anyway, the time off has done me well. the music i am writing right now is the most evil and blackest music ever recorded in my humble opinion. i realize pretty much no one but me could even handle it (and believe me, i can barely take it myself), but i look forward to unleashing the unholy taint on the willing. how are things with you? really black i hope. what is the latest with mysticum? i am still very much interested in using them as my backing band when i come to norway. speaking of which, can you recommend any venues where i might set up shows? preferably, i would like to perform in a forest or a cave, but i suppose i would need to rent a generator for this. do you think one of the guys in mysticum could take care of this? please let me know. also, i would like to do some shows with mayhem if possible. since it's witch taint's first time in norway, i would be happy to open for them. i will be sending you new mp3's soon. please make sure any pets or sharp objects are out of the room before listening. blacker than the blackest of the black, ------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. Mysticum does not play live anymore. But if they did, they would have been headliners. They are not interested in helping others as they have enough with them self. They are not "active", they are a sleeping band at the moment. -------------------- dear mathias, i apologize (i am normally not into this but for you i will make an exception) for my slow response. i have to admit, at first i was taken aback by your last e-mail. but after reading it and re-reading it and then reading it a few more times after that, i realize you are testing me. i am proud to say i have passed your test and i want to thank you (also not usually into this) for pushing me to the limit to see just how serious i am about black metal and blackness in general. i have to admit, you had me going for a minute about having short hair and saying that no human can really be black. also, that thing about no one being able to decide who is the king- let me just say that you can ask anyone in gary, indiana who is the king of black metal and they will all tell you it's me. even my mom, who is totally not into black metal at all, asked my dad the other day "where is the king of black metal?" and she was referring to ME. of course, i was down in the basement with the lights off working on the most evil music that has ever been created. the stuff i was working on the other day was so intense i couldn't even eat the pizza i had ordered. i am really excited (but in a really black way, mind you) for you to hear the new music i am recording. i promise you it will be the blackest, evilest, and depressingest music you have ever released on your label. we should probably take out some insurance because people will be killing themselves left and right after they hear it. my friend todd heard it the other day and was all like "turn it off- i can't take it anymore?" he didn't try to kill himself but i could tell he was seriously bummed out. personally, i don't think we need that kind of hassle when me and the rest of the mysticum guys are out touring the world and banging black metal chicks and stuff. maybe it should just say on the record "if you kill yourself while listening to witch taint- and you probably will- it is not our fucking problem." this will have to be printed in four or five different languages. the last thing i need is some bastard from south america trying to sue me because he tried to kill himself after listening to the mighty taint. anyway, what kind of time frame are you thinking for an album release? as soon as the album is pressed up i am going to tell my boss at subway to fuck himself. also, do you know where i can get those power transformers so all my equipment will work in europe when we tour? the last thing i need is for all my equipment to short out when mysticum and i are unleashing the black metal fury! blacker than ever, ----------------------------------------------------- heh, like i said, mysticum will not play live, i have not signed you, you must first send mp3s so i can hear. I have no opportunity to arrange live shows. ----------------------------------------------------- dear saiihtam, sorry once again for the slow reply. i have spent the last week cut off from the outside world- no computers, no newspapers, no telephone, no nothing. it was just me in my basement writing the most extreme black metal of all time while occasionally taking breaks to watch television, go to the bathroom, or order a pizza or something. i am very excited (yet also worried because this music may indeed drive you to hurt yourself) for you to hear the results. i have been recording the guitars with two microphones which not so coincidentally have been arranged to form an inverted cross. the sound is deadly. i can barely even make it through an entire song without having to take break because it is almost even too intense for me, the king of black metal. when i do take breaks however, i leave the mics on in order to pick up the sound of me sitting on the couch brooding and contemplating blackness. i plan to layer my tracks with these atmospheric sounds of doom. i will send you more tracks shortly. please make sure your family is away before you listen to it however. i do not wish to harm them. as for mysticum, i am not interested in having them play live. this is no good for anyone. i only want them to appear with me as my backing band. for all intents and purposes, they will be members of witch taint. they will help load the equipment, guard me from fans, play music with me, and generally have the most amazing black metal experience of their lives. i imagine some of them will not be able to handle it, but i will take what i can get. i did notice that hellhammer from mayhem also played with mysticum at one point. if possible, i would like to get hellhammer to play with witch taint instead of the drummer from mysticum. if you could do so, please let the drummer from mysticum know that he will not be part of the tour as far as being a drummer goes. he is welcome however to be a roadie or assist me in matters of blackness along the way. in fact, perhaps he could be of some assistance in booking shows. i understand that you do not wish to be involved in this. you will be too busy planning the release of the witch taint album i am sure. as for our first show, i wish to play inside of a church in oslo. i cannot wait to watch the walls fall down around as the the church collapses from the unholy sound of the might taint. can you recommend any churches i might consider for this? please let me know. also, do you have the e-mail addresses for fenriz from darkthrone or varg vikernes? i want to let them know that witch taint will be coming shortly. how is your family? blackest of the black,
----------- see below in red: MrLouRawls@aol.com wrote: sorry once again for the slow reply. i have spent the last week cut off from the outside world- no computers, no newspapers, no telephone, no nothing. it was just me in my basement writing the most extreme black metal of all time while occasionally taking breaks to watch television, go to the bathroom, or order a pizza or something. i am very excited (yet also worried because this music may indeed drive you to hurt yourself) for you to hear the results. i have been recording the guitars with two microphones which not so coincidentally have been arranged to form an inverted cross. the sound is deadly. i can barely even make it through an entire song without having to take break because it is almost even too intense for me, the king of black metal. when i do take breaks however, i leave the mics on in order to pick up the sound of me sitting on the couch brooding and contemplating blackness. i plan to layer my tracks with these atmospheric sounds of doom. i will send you more tracks shortly. please make sure your family is away before you listen to it however. i do not wish to harm them. as for mysticum, i am not interested in having them play live. this is no good for anyone. i only want them to appear with me as my backing band. for all intents and purposes, they will be members of witch taint. No they will not. they will help load the equipment, guard me from fans, play music with me, and generally have the most amazing black metal experience of their lives. No. i imagine some of them will not be able to handle it, but i will take what i can get. i did notice that hellhammer from mayhem also played with mysticum at one point. if possible, i would like to get hellhammer to play with witch taint instead of the drummer from mysticum. I doubt hellhammer will do this. Mysticum has no human drummer but uses drum machines. if you could do so, please let the drummer from mysticum know that he will not be part of the tour as far as being a drummer goes. he is welcome however to be a roadie or assist me in matters of blackness along the way. in fact, perhaps he could be of some assistance in booking shows. i understand that you do not wish to be involved in this. you will be too busy planning the release of the witch taint album i am sure. Heh, i must see if your music is great first, i am not so easy to convince. as for our first show, i wish to play inside of a church in oslo. i cannot wait to watch the walls fall down around as the the church collapses from the unholy sound of the might taint. can you recommend any churches i might consider for this? please let me know. BM in a church, i dont think that will be allowed. also, do you have the e-mail addresses for fenriz from darkthrone or varg vikernes? i want to let them know that witch taint will be coming shortly. NO! how is your family? Fine! whitest of the white ---------- dear saiihtam, first, of all i want to thank you for continuing to test me. were i a lesser man or not as completely black as i am, i might have taken your comments as suggesting that you don't believe in the mighty power and extreme blackness of witch taint. since you have heard our music however, i know you are fully aware that we are indeed the future of black metal and that your comments are only intended to anger and sadden me so that i might have even more fuel to become the most powerful and influential figure ever to be a part of the black metal community. and that is precisely why i am glad that you will be working for us. i am thinking a fall release, just as the leaves are changing and the earthly death that is winter cackles in the distance. i would like to have two record release "parties", one in oslo and one in my hometown of gary, indiana, where i am the king of black metal. both "parties" will involve a single goat, tethered to a tree with the letters "WT" painted on its side in pig's blood. these letters, of course, will stand for witch taint, the greatest and blackest band in all of black metal. we will string up loudspeakers in the trees near the goat. at precisely midnight, the infernal sounds of our crushing debut will begin to play at a volume never before acheived by modern man. and that is when i and the members of mysticum will appear on the horizon on horseback. we will approach the goat, coming just close enough that our faces become dappled with the reflection of dancing flames (oh yeah, we should have a fire near the goat. i forgot to mention this). we will sit motionless on the horses (we will have one for each of us) until the final track of our legendary debut is finished. then we will turn and ride off into the distance, leaving the tethered goat shivering in the night. someone is going to have to come and get the goat eventually because it will probably be a rental. maybe we could have the drummer from mysticum do this since he won't be on horseback with us. he should totally come to the party though. just because he can't be a member of witch taint, doeesn't mean he shouldn't be able to witness the majesty. i don't want to be a total dick to the guy or anything. please give my regards to your family. i imagine they are pretty excited that you are about to be a part of black metal history by working with the mighty taint. blacker than even the blackest of the black, copyright 2005, all rights reserved |